June 2020

Hi! So here I am, because i’ve spent my whole day sleeping since I was sick.
Anyway major recaps need to be made, it’s been vacation since like March mid which is crazyy because Corona and 2020 happened which is a pure disaster tbh.

The past few months for me have been blissful, in bold and capitals and I could not have been any more grateful in life for this. Honestly, it is sooo perfect in every sense and I am embracing each bit of it.

Cause you know college can get so stressful. Especially for me since I had been dealing with a lot of challenges ever since I’d joined college. Be it getting independent, being out there in the world, getting social, handling life issues- it has been a MAJOR upgrade for me to say the least.

I note: the experiences and everything I have faced, went through, enjoyed is priceless and I am glad I keep doing this, growing.
So leaving behind this introspective part, I have been literally having the time of my life at home, with My mom, dad, and Mansi.

We both have not been able to meet since AGES. and it finally happened, these days have been hella golden with her. I really do not know what I would have done without her this entire quarantine.

It would get immensely boring and slightly not good for me to go through this summer alone.

Today was a pretty chill day and I watched so many movies and all of them are so different culturally from each other which I totally love.
So there was What Will People Say first, which was pretty chilling as it gets very real.
Then we watched Train To Busan which was long due, and that also was extremely thrilling.
Then I’ve watched Kumbalangi nights halfway through tonight.

I’m mnetally in such a beautiful place, its just hard to believe.
How we’ve spent the few months? Well it’s mostly been learning a lot of things- get this we make proper gol rotis. So a lot of household chores in the start, then cooking a lot of new things- lasagna to die for, and all types of good stuff.
And the garden; oh my god. Loving the nature as well:
So right before March I’d gone to this church with Mom.
Where I had written 5 wishes and its surprising to see all of them get fulfilled. I am so surprised still.

1) Having good company around (with close people)
2) Having really good work progress and productivity
3) Being stress free
4) Mom having a stress free and good time
5) Hoping Nani also recovers soon

.. probably have to sleep will add more to this 

29 july 2019

Helloo its 2nd year graphics for me right now. im currently situated in Loni, outskirts of pune, getting my design degree.

I was slightly apprehensive on starting this again, but hey i can add a bit of details here of my life :D 

So today is Logo making and thats what we r working on.

Class is kinda boring rn and I really want to be sleeping because not like i dont like this course but im not getting any sorta inspiration to like make spot on logos.

 Im trying to get sum good inspiration, i feel like i wanna work after sometime else.

So my class is pretty chill, i usually hang around w hashmeet, saniya and palasa in class.

we have like around 54 people. 

And well, my share of drama has also happened in the past few days, :P in terms of the guy area.

i was jus thinking about how im like so average, you know. when i take the zoomed out version of myself, and take myself into the worlds perspective, im just a girl, getting a design degree, living in a hostel, roommates w my alnost like best friend, 

pursuing my dream job. 

My day usually goes by me going for breakfast if i dont sleep in late, then gettin ready, takin a bath, comin to class, catchin lunch w my friends, sometimes alone, then prolly go for a workshop or movie, going for occassional trips outsidea campus, chillin w friends in the lawn, which is like therapeuticcc

and of course finishin ma work. u know i think i should rlllyyyyyy be working much much harder in what i do u know.

btww yest was such a cool day because i met my best friend gujju and it was actually like so much fun. we hung around for like pretty much 5 hours, we met in phoenix, had a beer and nachos at pop tates, roamed around.

it was a much needed break. 

also well i was textin and snappin a guy friend for so long, we had kissed on a dare before, we had unsure crushes on each orher but we both werent ready to date, we talked about it kinda indirectly.

and well after vacays he told my roommate he likes me n stuff but well ofc there gots to be another obdtacle being his best girl diend and i think its a toxic rltionship but oh well/

we have limited talking a lot but i guess i can just roll with it, and its kind of weird with her cause i get like bad vibes from her, and theyre like weirdly too close to each other, dont wanna mess with that. better stay away, huge fuckin red flagssss . 

well i have been reading this book called the magic of thinking big, it seems like rlly cool for like changing my perspective towards life,alSO i have decided on being much more positive in life, and being like calmer everydayyy. And i know im goin g to make the best of theis life everyday and 

learn how to get my shit together.

Well u know writing this diary isnt that bad either its kinda therapuetic tbh,

I will just write basic stuff here eryday 

ok well i guess enough for today, see you whenever my mind wanders away from rl and i start typing mindlessly.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ashlee-greer/stop-letting-other-peoples-opinions-control-you_b_9587330.html

pretty important links

https://thoughtcatalog.com/juliet-lanka/2018/04/these-30-mistakes-are-accidentally-making-you-come-across-as-socially-awkward/?utm_source=quora

One for normal behaviour^

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/ways-to-help-with-anxiety-science-medication-study-a8310406.html?utm_source=quora

Easiest way to beat anxiety^

Everyone’s fiji water and so are you

A habit I need to develop everyday is to stop putting people on a pedestal but also not burying them deep.
I’ve found that when I am in a fun mood and less careful and less anxious around people (cause why should I right) I don’t try to be. Like I don’t try being compliant obedient blah. People feel normal this way cause everyone’s like that.
Plus I need my holidays to be more productive. Lemme update you with all new things I did everyday. I hope I do.

Having more fun and not taking life so seriously

Heyy. So its only some days into my vacation and I feel uh may zayn.
The overthinking about friends and all is at its complete low andI'm still feeling good and aspire to be this way throughouttt uh.
So today's day mark's some ass's birthday, buttt not that I care. I mean I totally could rationalize the situation: Like before I was all like you know he's good friends with so many people and they love him and all and I was ALMOST gonna text him but thanks to Guj I stopped and I was like of course im not gonna do something so stupid cause he never wished me too.
Details lol.
Also me ans my virtual best friend are back to normal.
And how I rationalised this? i mean of COURSE I haven't like been his real life friend for long. Mostly virtual and very little real life.
But since he got pretty close to me and real (in an emotional sense of course) I REALLY know the guy is full of shit.
And he's good at being pretentious so that works for everyone. Not that he's that bad, It's good that he and I shared some good moments and it was pretty cool and all but he's not worth it.
But you know, he undermined me and all, so.

Here's some good potential links helping me out:
https://www.bolde.com/lighten-stop-taking-everything-seriously/
https://medium.com/darius-foroux/i-have-15-ideas-to-change-your-life-do-you-have-5-minutes-f84c3f99b3c5
https://www.wikihow.com/Have-Fun-All-the-Time

Also this one's for being too nice:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/are-you-too-nice-how-to-be-kind-and-be-good-to-yourself/

I recently got... that's right a set of COPICSSSSSS. IM SO HAPPYYYY.
So I tested it out:

Happiness

All I can say for now, I feel amazing. After all of those blog posts about my cramming and changes, I knew it was all for good. And here I am, having made progress. I feel great. :D

I can now be normal in social situations. It doesn't scare me as much and I definitely do not feel like running away. I feel more close to me if that makes sense.
It's been 2 days since my exam has been over so its good, and also well, my birthday.

Well here's a description of my birthday: Got a call from Vanshika around 11:40 and then we decided she'd call me at 12:00 so that we could study. But of course we were texting each other about how it would have been better if we'd been talking cause we weren't studying anyways.

She seems kinda flawless. It was great talking to her. And my birthday wasn't like I was expecting. I mean, Iw asn't really expecting ANYTHING. hahah. But it was SOOO good.
Then I was getting so many calls; One from Pavanta too, I think around 12- Then Roshni and Mansi's call got missed cause I was talking to others.

And the day was pretty cool. Except the fact that I had to study and it was my exam. But anyway the school part wasn't so happening or anything- although I got an amazing gift from Pavanta- oh so heartfelt- a toothpaste.

 At home I got a surprise from Pavanta, which was SO unexpected. I wasn't really putting in much effort in our friendship. I pretty much thought we don't sync that much. But it was just my less social motivation.
And we did have quite a lot of fun. She brought this birthday cap and some desserts and we watched 13 reasons why's first episode and she's got my book for now.
She's a keeper as a friend. I should make more effort.
           I went to Pablo's to meet Yukta. We'd been planning it for long. We had 2 fancy mocktails and we weren't there for long, 45 mins tops.

It was fun tho. I wore my black crop top and ripped jeans for my birthday. And I forgot to take off the tag again lmao.
Then I went to Mocha with my three usual people. Roshni did so much effort so that we'd have fun and I love her for that.
We ordered LOADSA stuff. There was this live singer and 'twas a fun night.

And all of these people tagged me in their posts and it was great.
-----------
Its day 2 of vacation and it was mainly supposed to be me, Mehak, Pavanta and Maitreyee to be meeting. First it was Bouffage, then to Mocha. Where we met Shriya, Sanskruti and Ishrita too.

So eventually we ended up sitting with them. It was some new experience and I'm proud to say i wasn't anxious at all.
I had some sips of this Cosmo drink cause like why not.
So all I need to do is to up my social game a bit. Then I'll feel much better.

Some cool tips which helped me through this: (Follow it judiciously)

Meditation/ Deep Breathing
Optimistic
Pushing through the social comfort at times
Comfort in own skin
Halt at overthinking
Past is over
Having social circle