Now this is one website which completely understands my situation:
http://shynesssocialanxiety.com
Everything in it is relatable, And I'll try to overcome it all.
Next thing, is the feeling of shame. Somewhere I read that a book called Daring Greatly really helps with it.
"People are too busy worrying about their own insecurities and embarrassing moments to keep track of yours." True story.
"It can be hard to shake that negative thinking, we social anxiety people tend to live in our past lives thinking about all of the mistakes that we did. In a way its addictive, thinking about the past, cuz it gives us something to do other than try to move ahead in life and make new experiences and over come these past mistakes. The only way to stop them is by forcing yourself to engage in as much social behavior as possible. This may seem scary, but it's the only way your going to overcome social anxiety, you need to practice socializing. Practice makes perfect. And whenever you start to think negative, stop yourself and instead think about the good things about you or things that you are happy about at the moment :) "
"It's completely understandable to fear judgment from other people. The problem is you've created a negative rut in your mind, which has been reinforced with years and years of constant practice, and now you need to create a new positive groove alongside it to replace it.
http://shynesssocialanxiety.com
Everything in it is relatable, And I'll try to overcome it all.
Next thing, is the feeling of shame. Somewhere I read that a book called Daring Greatly really helps with it.
"People are too busy worrying about their own insecurities and embarrassing moments to keep track of yours." True story.
"It can be hard to shake that negative thinking, we social anxiety people tend to live in our past lives thinking about all of the mistakes that we did. In a way its addictive, thinking about the past, cuz it gives us something to do other than try to move ahead in life and make new experiences and over come these past mistakes. The only way to stop them is by forcing yourself to engage in as much social behavior as possible. This may seem scary, but it's the only way your going to overcome social anxiety, you need to practice socializing. Practice makes perfect. And whenever you start to think negative, stop yourself and instead think about the good things about you or things that you are happy about at the moment :) "
"It's completely understandable to fear judgment from other people. The problem is you've created a negative rut in your mind, which has been reinforced with years and years of constant practice, and now you need to create a new positive groove alongside it to replace it.
Imagine a dirt pathway with a deep rut along one side, and imagine driving your bike inside that rut every day. That's what you've been doing unknowingly for years, making it deeper and deeper.
The only way to change your situation is to create a new, positive mental groove on the other side of the pathway by focusing your thoughts on more pleasant scenarios, instead of letting your mind run amuck willy-nilly.
Here is exactly how to do that:
(1) The next time a shameful thought comes into your mind, recognize it for what it is and get a little excited because this is the perfect opportunity to make your new positive groove deeper.
(2) Take that exact thought, be it a memory, anxiety, or whatever - and re-imagine it in a more positive light. This does not have to be complete night-and-day from total humiliation to jumping for joy. Just see how you can dial the image from the original total dark gloom to a brighter and lighter scenario with your imagination. For example, maybe the original shame was being laughed at, and the brighter version is being empathized with or understood a little bit more.
(3) Hold the new re-imagined scenario in your mind for several seconds, and enjoy the relief it provides. Intend to have more scenarios like this in the future.
(4) The next time you are in a social situation where normally before you'd have extreme fear or shame, bring a relevant re-imagined thought to mind and say, "How might I incorporate some of this positive image into the current situation?"
Be very patient yet focused in this process. It's not about making it perfect the first time. You've spent YEARS diligently making the negative rut. It's going to take more than one try to make the new positive one.
(5) Think of how every day as you practice this diligently, you are driving your bike of your thoughts on your new positive rut. Whenever you're actively creating your positive groove, wind is blowing dirt into the old rut, making it slowly disappear. This is because your attention can only be focused in one direction or another, in one groove or another. (Scientifically, the old neural synapse connections are getting weaker from disuse.)
The key to making this work for you is diligent focus. Do NOT tolerate thoughts like, "What if I'll always be this way? What if something's wrong with me?" etc. That is nonsense.
Millions of people have created significant change by keeping their eye on the prize and creating new positive grooves for themselves; I have personally led dozens of clients through this exact exercise, and the ones that make the change successfully are the ones who are open and committed to the process, day after day.
It works and is much more fun than the alternative. Hope that helps!"
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